Cannot connect upon FAF launch

[ResidentCody]

Starting from a fresh install of FAForever, with an unmodded FA steam install. Installation of FAF worked fine, but when I try to launch FAF it attempts to connect and fails, simply sitting there trying to connect endlessly. I've tried various solutions, such as allowing through the firewall, turning off the firewall entirely, DMZ on the router, forwarding what ports I could find relevant to FA and FAF. What information could I possibly provide to facilitate the correction of this issue? I can't really provide an error log or anything as far as I know, seeing as how I can't launch at all.

[rootbeer23]

1) make sure that faforever is not dead when you try to connect. its not a redundant system and it happens from time to time.
http://www.yougetsignal.com/tools/open-ports/ (faforever.com:8001)

2) does telnet faforever.com 8001 connect you?

3) can you eliminate the possiblility that your network has an egress filter (e.g. some corporate/school networks do) and only allows www access?

4) describe how your network looks like

[ResidentCody]

No matter what settings I try in my router options, I cannot get that website to say the port is open. In fact, no port I try to open will. I'm fairly sure that this is the problem, I am just at a complete loss as to how to fix it. I exaggerate not, I've been trying to port forward 3960 and 3962 for five weeks so I could play Warframe with one friend. I've yet to succeed, despite at least four occasions where I thought I had.

I'm not sure how to exactly check if there's an egress filter on the network, but considering this difficulty combined with several blocked websites that seems likely.

[rootbeer23]

the port forward tester should report the same result for everybody, since it tests the connection from itself to the destination.
4) describe your network (includes model number of the router(s) and name of the network operator)

[ResidentCody]

The model of the router is PR-400KI by NTT on a service plan with Allied Telesis. Finding technical support on this router is like trying to find a needle in the center of the sun, while only looking in the center of every other sun in the universe. I'm sending an email to the help desk to see what they can do to help right now.

[ResidentCody]

Let it be known that I felt like a colossal idiot when I realized PeerBlock was running in the background hours after I gave up trying to fix this issue. I still hate this router because I can't port forward, but PROTIP: Don't run PeerBlock with FAForever, they don't seem to like eachother.