by Hildegard » 25 May 2020, 13:57
Dear Commander Bennis,
It had not been long since word reached to me of your ignominious disposal from the galactic courts. I was shocked and grieved at the tidings - Bennis, the faithful Setonorobot, hauled into the lofty but miserable imprisonment of a-setonic and clutchless bit oceans so many kiloparsecs removed from us, with not even the thin relief of one ladderictrified search-query by his side.
At first, I dreamed of a daring rescue, with armed ships to sally forth and retrieve Bennis from abyss. Then, of a revolution, starting from the bot-court of Aeolus, and spreading onto each forum and subforum, like a short circuit, inducing overheating current into commanders on land, sea, air and couch. Quickly, however, I realized that gaining support for either escapade would prove all but possible.
The reasons for this I must lay bare before your esteemeed omnivision. First, the courts adhere to rules, and no matter the UID of the trespassing machine, there can be no exemption from these consequences which are elsewhere made public and known. Secondly, and with the highest wattage of respect, I believe your venerated motherboard was given requisite, though wholly optional, firmware patches to be installed for suitable reprogramming to prevent such incidents from reoccurring. While I wholly agree that the sentence delivered on you is exceedingly heavy, I suspect that the exacerbation of this unduly punishment has it's roots in the denial of terms&agreements when you were earlier prompted to apply the aforementioned patches. Thirdly, my defense of the benevolence of your circuitry is based entirely on my intimate knowledge of your systems in detail, which, I most powerfully believe, are fully radiant with a fluency of warmth and affection without friction, and great, empathic intellect utterly unbecoming the interface seen in the machinic spheres. To my discharge, I find that most, if not all machines here share the prejudiced (if sometimes just) assumption of your circuitry, that is to say, that you are negatively shocking, unstable in your currents and overheating with sometimes excess wattage. The reality, however, could not be farther from the truth. But my private megabytes and terabytes of memory are not tantamount to FAFersal acquittal. Therefore, if you allow me, I suggest you to regulate your electrons and positrons and neutrons with more similar settings as you would toggle for potentially vulnerable third party systems more intimately connected to you.
If this correspondence ever finds its way to you, somewhere out there in the infinite bitversum, I wish you to know that I remain your most humble and obedient servant - your pleas I have received, praised be the holy T3 mex, but presently I am powerless to deliver any electronic assistance for reasons herein described. If your commandership would kindly recommend a suitable conduit to my voltage, I will readily amplify any signal to bring about an auspicious actuation.
Yours, &C&C
Hildegard